Emotional intelligence—most of us might think this phrase is an oxymoron, right? It’s tough to know whether to see it as something emotional or intellectual. But if we take the time to learn how to practice it, we can truly transform our lives and the lives of those around us, leading to a more mindful and compassionate way of living. In my state, Sikkim, which is often seen as a small, peaceful place full of harmony, society can appear much darker when you look closer. Socially, I have often observed how people turn others’ emotions into a form of cheap entertainment, making fun of their feelings. And this isn’t just local to my area—around the world, we see similar trends.
In today’s world, this kind of behavior has shifted to social media. I frequently come across videos and reels shared by so-called influencers that are filled with racist remarks, misogynistic stereotypes, body-shaming, and foul language. Worse still, they dehumanize others by mocking their personal situations or conditions. Sadly, the situation might not be different in your area either. The world has changed, but in an awful way. Topics we once debated thoughtfully have now become cheap memes, hampering real social progress and dulling our collective wisdom and intelligence. Society has become influenced by social media, and vice versa.
This shift isn’t just limited to online spaces—it can be seen in everyday life, from schools to workplaces, where emotional vulnerability is often exploited rather than nurtured. In many cultures, emotional expression is still viewed as a weakness, leading people to hide their true feelings and build walls around themselves. Governments and media outlets also shape how we process emotions, influencing public perception of major issues like mental health, inequality, and even politics. The way we engage with each other has become more transactional, focusing on personal gain rather than genuine human connection.
While I may sound a bit pessimistic, as this trend seems to have become widespread like a storm, I still believe we can do something about it. It may not be possible to completely end troll culture, but we can at least start by challenging and debunking these harmful behaviors—and that is a step worth taking.
What Exactly is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, control, and express our emotions while managing relationships with empathy. It is often viewed as equally important as intellectual intelligence.
The term was first used by psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer in 1990, called it a type of social intelligence. The concept gained popularity in 1995 when Daniel Goleman published his book “Emotional Intelligence,” which showed that emotional intelligence can be learned, unlike fixed IQ.
The Five Parts of Emotional Intelligence
There are five main parts that make up emotional intelligence:
- Self-Awareness
Self-awareness means knowing and understanding your own emotions. It involves being truthful with yourself about how you feel, which helps you see how others might view you. - Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is about controlling your quick reactions and actions. It’s learning to manage your emotions in good ways, being responsible for what you do, and adjusting to changes around you. - Motivation
Motivation is the inner push to reach personal and work goals. People with emotional intelligence often have strong motivation, not just for rewards but because they truly care about what they do. - Empathy
Empathy means being able to sense and grasp what others are feeling. It helps you respond correctly to them based on how they feel. This is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. - Social Skills
Social skills are about managing relationships and leading people in the right direction. Good communication, handling conflicts, and leading others are all part of social skills in emotional intelligence.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
Emotional intelligence influences every part of life, from work to personal connections. People with higher emotional intelligence often become better leaders, have stronger relationships, and handle challenges more easily.
- At Work
Emotional intelligence can have a big impact on your career. It helps you manage stress, communicate well, and deal with workplace problems. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence can inspire and energize their teams. - In Relationships
Emotional intelligence is key in personal relationships. Being emotionally smart helps you connect with others, avoid conflicts, and solve problems more easily. - Mental Health
Being in control of your emotions reduces anxiety and stress, leading to better mental health. When you’re self-aware and can manage your emotions, you’re less likely to experience burnout or emotional fatigue.
How to Build Emotional Intelligence
Improving emotional intelligence takes time, but there are simple ways to get better at it.
- Practice Self-Awareness
Spend time thinking about your emotions and reactions. Write in a journal to keep track of how you feel and why you might feel that way. Over time, this will help you understand yourself more. - Improve Your Self-Regulation
When emotions are strong, it’s easy to act without thinking. Instead, take a moment to pause and notice how you feel before reacting. Meditation and deep-breathing can also help calm your mind. - Stay Motivated
Establish clear goals and keep reminding yourself of their importance. When you feel unmotivated, focus on the bigger picture and how reaching your goals will improve your life. - Develop Empathy
Practice seeing things from others’ perspectives. Listen carefully when people talk, without jumping to conclusions or solutions. Try to understand their feelings before you respond. - Build Strong Social Skills
Communicate openly and honestly with others. Practice listening closely, and pay attention to your body language. Also, work on resolving conflicts calmly and positively.
The Link Between Emotional Intelligence and Success
Studies show that people with higher emotional intelligence tend to be more successful in life. This isn’t just limited to career success but also extends to personal fulfilment. People who are able to understand their emotions and manage their interactions effectively are better equipped to face challenges and lead fulfilling lives.
Emotional Intelligence vs. IQ
For many years, intelligence quotient (IQ) was seen as the key to success. However, research has shown that emotional intelligence might be even more important than IQ. While IQ may help you get a job, it’s emotional intelligence that will help you excel in that job.
- IQ is about cognitive abilities, such as memory, reasoning, and problem-solving. It’s largely genetic and remains relatively constant throughout your life.
- Emotional Intelligence is about managing emotions and relationships. Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be improved with practice and time.
Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
Leaders with emotional intelligence are more likely to build strong teams and drive organizational success. Some of the key EI traits that make for good leaders include:
- Self-confidence: Knowing your strengths and weaknesses.
- Trustworthiness: Being reliable and ethical.
- Adaptability: Being open to change and new challenges.
- Influence: Inspiring and motivating others.
Emotional Intelligence and Conflict Resolution
Conflicts are part of life, both in personal and professional settings. Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in how you manage these conflicts. People with high EI:
- Can stay calm under pressure.
- Are able to view conflicts from multiple perspectives.
- Seek resolutions that benefit all parties involved.
When you approach conflict with emotional intelligence, you are more likely to achieve a positive outcome.
Emotional Intelligence and Communication
Clear communication is an essential part of emotional intelligence. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it and the emotions behind it. Some tips for improving communication with emotional intelligence include:
- Listen attentively: Focus on what the other person is saying without cutting in.
- Be aware of non-verbal cues: Your body language and facial expressions can communicate just as much as your words.
- Manage your tone: Speak in a calm and measured tone, even when discussing difficult topics.
The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Mental Wellness
Emotional intelligence is very important for keeping your mind healthy because it helps you handle your feelings in a healthy way. When you understand your emotions, it becomes easier to manage stress, anxiety, and other mental health concerns. Here’s how emotional intelligence helps your mental well-being:
- Self-awareness: This means being aware of your own emotions. When you know how you’re feeling, you can notice stress or frustration early on. This allows you to take a moment to calm down or find solutions before things get too overwhelming.
- Self-regulation: Once you are aware of your emotions, you can manage them better. Self-regulation helps you remain calm and prevents you from acting impulsively. Instead of reacting with anger or feeling overwhelmed, you can pause and think through the situation, which protects your mental health and your relationships.
- Empathy: Empathy is understanding the feelings of others. It helps you build stronger connections by showing care and support when someone needs it. By understanding what others are going through, you create better, more meaningful relationships, which is important for emotional health.
- Social skills: Emotional intelligence also makes it easier to interact with others. It improves your communication, listening, and conflict resolution skills. Positive relationships can reduce stress and make you feel more supported in your daily life.
- Motivation: Emotionally intelligent people are often more self-motivated. This means they can stay focused and push through difficult times without letting negative feelings hold them back. By staying positive and working towards their goals, they can handle setbacks with less worry or anxiety.
- Handling criticism: Emotional intelligence helps you deal with feedback and criticism without feeling personally attacked. Instead of becoming upset or defensive, you can learn from the feedback and use it to improve, which stops emotions from getting in the way of your progress.
- Managing difficult emotions: Emotional intelligence also helps you cope with challenging feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration. Rather than being overwhelmed, you can learn to accept these feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them, such as talking to someone, meditating, or taking a short break.
- Improving self-esteem: By understanding and managing your emotions, you can build confidence in your ability to handle difficult situations. This leads to better self-esteem, which strengthens your mental health over time.
Developing emotional intelligence is a powerful way to protect your mental health and create a balanced, peaceful life.
Emotional Intelligence in the Digital Age
We need emotional intelligence (EI) more in the digital arena than in social life because, ironically, things and people aren’t as social on social media. The toxicity online is often greater than in real life, poisoning human minds. Here are some ideas to help you explore digital spaces effectively:
#Social Media:
Having high EI is especially helpful when navigating the challenges of social media. Online interactions can often be difficult, as you may encounter negative comments, criticism, or even trolls who try to provoke emotional reactions. With strong EI, you can respond calmly, avoiding unnecessary conflicts or emotional outbursts.
High EI also allows you to manage your online persona effectively, presenting yourself in a way that reflects who you truly are while maintaining healthy boundaries with others. You can choose how to react to different situations, control your emotions, and avoid being drawn into negative online behaviours.
#Remote Work:
EI is essential in remote work environments where team members are often separated by distance and have limited face-to-face contact. High EI helps you maintain clear and positive communication, even when working through virtual platforms. It is important for keeping team morale high, as remote work can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or misunderstandings.
EI allows you to empathise with your colleagues, understand their emotions even through digital communication, and create a supportive, encouraging environment. Whether you’re leading or contributing to a remote team, EI helps you handle conflicts, offer support, and ensure everyone stays connected and motivated, despite physical separation.
Challenges to Developing Emotional Intelligence
While emotional intelligence can be improved, it’s not always easy. Some common challenges include:
- Lack of self-awareness: It can be difficult to acknowledge your own emotions and how they affect your actions.
- Managing strong emotions: Some people find it hard to control intense emotions like anger or frustration.
- Understanding others: Empathy requires effort and can be challenging if you have different perspectives or experiences from those around you.
Conclusion
Emotional intelligence is a crucial skill for success and mindful living in both personal and professional life. While it may not always come naturally, it can be developed over time with practice and commitment. By improving your self-awareness, empathy, and communication skills, you’ll be better equipped to navigate life’s challenges and build stronger relationships.
Practising EI into your life will not only help you understand yourself better but also foster deeper connections with those around you. Whether in the workplace, at home, or in social situations, EI is the key to living a more fulfilling and balanced life.
How can I practice emotional intelligence in the workplace?
You can practice emotional intelligence at work by being aware of your feelings and how they affect you. Listen carefully to your colleagues when they speak and show that you care about what they say. Try to stay calm when things get stressful, and take a moment to breathe before reacting. Understanding how others feel is important, so ask questions to show you are interested. Communicate clearly and kindly, and be open to feedback. Finally, make an effort to build good relationships with your team by joining in on social events and team activities. These simple steps can help create a positive workplace.